Pookie's Journal

6:49am: i am totally resentful and I IMed him like an A hole arguing, it didn't end to bad but i need to NOT do that so i told myself I CANT talk to him until i can get over all of this crap. To me he does snot have what it takes to have a lasting relationship at least not with me, hopefully one day he finds someone more suitable for him. I just need to get over my anger and grief and then maybe we could keep in touch. I won a basket at work today , that makes me happy.

7:53am: It's like a drug
I have realized that breaking up with someone you love is kinda like quitting smoking. You resist the urge to go back to it because you know it's better for everyone in the long run. Sometimes you're strong and say Hey I can do this, and sometimes your not and you fall apart. Eventually over sometime the urge to go back to it won't be as great and I won't even want to anymore.

6:34pm: I am going through a lot at home and with other stuff and I'm not doing very well.

3:22pm: I am sad

6:01pm: i . . . . . hate. . . . . this

2:11pm: my dream
Revolution
To dream that you are part of a revolution, suggests that major changes are occurring within yourself. You are experiencing some emotional inner turmoil. You need to confront and resolve these conflicts. Alternatively, the dream symbolizes your view of the world and your future.

Father
To see your father in your dream, symbolizes authority and protection. It suggests that you need to be more self-reliant. Consider also your waking relationship with your father and how aspects of his character may be incorporated within yourself.

To see others tipsy in your dream, denotes that you need to be careful with who you associate yourself with. Their actions may reflect on your own character.



This was very obvious, predictable and self explanitory , weird I even had to look it up.

9:28pm: Micheles benefit is tomorrow, i really don't want to go alone but i'll deal with it i guess, ugh.

8:14am: very interesting.
Swimming
To dream that you are swimming, suggests that you are exploring aspects of your unconscious mind and emotions. The dream may be a sign that you are seeking some sort of emotional support. It is a common dream image for people going through therapy.

Wall
To see a wall in your dream, signifies limitations. obstacles and boundaries. There is a barrier obstructing your progress. You may be too accustomed to your old habits and way of thinking.

To dream that the doors are closed or locked, signify opportunities that are denied and not available to you or that you have missed out on. Something or someone is blocking your progress. It also symbolizes the ending of a phase or project. In particular, if you are outside the locked door, then it suggests that you are having some anti-social tendencies. If you are inside the locked door, then it represents harsh lessons that need to be learned.

6:54am: Writer's Block: Rabbit Rabbit!







Win a car!!!!

6:21pm: I'm really sad.

5:14pm: This weeks shopping list that will make my life easier
Paper plates/cups/bowls
A calender
Beer



That's all I have so far. .. any suggestions?


My fantasy list. . . .

A maid
A Butler
A Shrink
A Nanny

3:02pm: I'm so stressed out. i really don't know if its from, working, if its from me and jay fighting, if its the kids, the house. maybe a combination of everything. I feel like I'm doing it alone and I feel like I don't have anyone. I've never been this stressed out before. My and Jay are taking a break again, we agreed to a month. Idk if its the right decision , but it was better than breaking up since I don't think I should be making any permanent decisions with how stressed out I am. I hope I calm down , i hope i clear my head find away to cope by myself, I hope Jay realizes he could try to be there for me more the way I need him to be. I'm having huge problem not feeling important or . . . . idk not worth anything. This stress is just killing me. Maybe I shouldn't be around him right now anyways since the littlest things are setting me off and I hope he can understand that. Hopefully we don't realize we are happier without each other, and if we do then idk, I hope not though. I need to find a balance between the kids the house and work, and him. I wish I had some help. I wish I could do it by myself without going insane or crying all over the effing place. All i can do is keep trying i guess.

9:47am: "Open Your Eyes"

All this feels strange and untrue
And I won't waste a minute without you
My bones ache, my skin feels cold
And I'm getting so tired and so old

The anger swells in my guts
And I won't feel these slices and cuts
I want so much to open your eyes
'Cause I need you to look into mine

Tell me that you'll open your eyes

Get up, get out, get away from these liars
'Cause they don't get your soul or your fire
Take my hand, knot your fingers through mine
And we'll walk from this dark room for the last time

Every minute from this minute now
We can do what we like anywhere
I want so much to open your eyes
'Cause I need you to look into mine

Tell me that you'll open your eyes

All this feels strange and untrue
And I won't waste a minute without you

10:18am: please someone fucking help me

9:46am:

Your result for The Brutally Honest Personality Test...

Freak- INFJ

Take The Brutally Honest Personality Test at HelloQuizzy

1:48pm: I would immediatly also fart
Question 8
Suppose you were out with friends at a restaurant, when one of them farted audibly (clearly by accident).


I would laugh slightly and then ask them about their diet -- maybe the friend is eating too much fiber?


I would turn to the friend with a big smile, pat them heartily on the back, and then order them another drink.


I would pretend I hadn't heard.


I would catch their eye and smile, but continue to talk about other things.


I would laugh, I admit it. I would laugh uproariously.


I would immediately also fart.


HAHAHHA HAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHHAHAH HAHAHAHA

2:41pm: Chris is in jail again. . . . . . .

9:48am: Terrible dreams last night. I looked outside and their was a flood so high it almost reach up to my living room windows. I got really scared. Looked again and it was getting better and turning to snow. I went out side with my aunt judy and saw a fox , I couldn't believe it, it had a red shirt on and it started walking on its hine legs, it was really freaky to me. Ten we saw a wolf coming , we ran and my aunt let me run through the door first. Then it switched to me and jay being here, we got into a fight. then my mom came home with like 20 bags of crap , i gave jay a hug then somehow all the bags disappeared, weird. Then him and his family were all in my bedroom watching tv. we wanted to watch the office and i couldn't figure out how to dvr it ( there was something else on too). Jay was sleeping on my floor so i had to wake him up for help. Then it switched to massive amounts of crumbs in my bed.

Flood
To dream that you are in a flood, represents your need to release some sexual desires. If the flood is raging, then it represents emotional issues and tension. Your repressed emotions are overwhelming you. Consider where the flood is for clues as to where in your waking life is causing you stress and tension. Alternatively, the dream may indicate that you are the one who is overwhelming others with your demands and strong opinion.

Fox
To see a fox in your dream, represents insight, cleverness, cunningness and resourcefulness. Perhaps the dream is telling you that you need to exhibit more of these qualities in your waking life. Or that you need to conceal your thoughts and remain silent about some situation. Alternatively, it indicates a period of isolation or loneliness. You may take this time to ponder some issue or reflect upon your life.

Wolf
To see a wolf in your dream, symbolizes survival, beauty, solitude, mystery, self-confidence and pride. You are able to keep your composure in a variety of social circumstances and blend into any situation with ease and grace. You are also a loner by choice. Negatively, the wolf represents hostility, aggression, or sneakiness.�It may reflect an uncontrollable force or situation in your life.� To see a white wolf in your dream, then it signifies valor and victory. You have the ability to see the light even in your darkest hours.�

Argument
To dream that you are arguing, suggests that you are trying to resolve some internal conflict or some unsettled issue in your waking life. Consider the symbolism of whom you are arguing with and what you are arguing about. How does he or she reflect some person or some aspect of yourself in your waking life?

To see others sleeping, is often a reflection of yourself and your own unconscious mind. It is indicative of how you may not be alert or informed about a particular situation.

Sleeping may also be synonymous with death in that it beckons renewal and new beginnings.

Crumbs
To see or make crumbs in your dream, suggests that you are feeling left out. Do you feel like an outsider in some situation?


Weird sometimes how they come so close.

4:26pm: Well okay
There is a magical land where I get chocolate from. No one else knows about it and I'm scared if I tell anyone, well, it will disappear. As soon as I enter I feel the atmosphere change all around me. The colors in the sky are so vibrant it's hard to take your eyes off of it. The tree leaves are tipped with gold and when the wind blows you can see small amounts of golden dust come from each leaf. It drifts with the breeze until it slowly vanishes. I would like to take Chelsey along with me once.

11:08pm: Can you believe that williams guy, him even trying to get out of Jail is just sick..... him infecting 13 girls with HIV neglectfully just makes me sick, UGH... and its right in Jamestown too , ugh

9:00pm: Good tune, end of a House episode
Pete Yorn Lose you Lyrics:

I’m taking a ride off to one side
It is a personal thing.
Where?
When I can’t stand
Up in this cage I’m not regretting.

I don’t need a better thing,
I’d settle for less,
It’s another thing for me,
I just have to wander
through this world
Alone.


Stop before you fall
Into the hole that I have dug here,
Rest even as you
Are starting to feel
the way I used to,
I don’t need a better thing
(Just to sound confused)
Don’t talk about everyone,
I am not amused by you.

I’m gonna lose you,
Yeah I’m gonna lose you
If I’m gonna lose you,

I’m gonna lose you,
Yeah I’m gonna lose you
If I’m gonna lose you
I’ll lose you now for good

12:50pm: Chelsey didn't go to school today, she took it upon her self to wake up at 7, take her tempature and tell me she still has a fever so she couldn't go to school, haha. So I let her stay home, she seems fine otherwise besides sneezing every 10 minutes and i can't have her sneezing all over the kids at school. I'm starting to sneeze too, my nose is runny and my eyes keep watering , i think its just a little cold, idk why she;s always getting fevers. finallt got to hang out with Drew, the circumstances weren't great but yay anyways . " a cab from texas" ? lol god im so dumb sometimes hahah. i can;t wait till it gets warmer out, my goal is to paint the whole downstairs before summer starts, i also need to clean up the backyard, hopefully paint the fence and get my broken down pool outta here, idk how im gonna do it but whatever.

7:06pm: and finally
The sun is slowly starting to turn everything shades of orange , pink, yellow, and red instead the terrible blue and grey its been all winter. It's so good to see especially in the mornings when i walk to the buss stop, seeing the sun just begin to creep out with those colors makes me feel relieved.

9:42am: For all the tophers in the world. . . .
Things are a little better today. At our house we hate having to call Chris ( brother) and Chris ( kids dad) the same name cause its confusing, so my mom made up a name for him a few months ago and it's Topher,,,,, for ChrisTOPHER. Chelseys Teacher is going on maternity leave and will be replaced for the rest of the school year. The replacements name is Mrs. Topher!!! We just died laughing after finding out.

10:22am: Alanis
i'd be lying if I said I was completely unscathed
I might be proving you right with my silence or my retaliation
would I be letting you win in my non reaction?
how would I explain?
how would I explain this to my children if I had them?
because I can't not
because I can't not
because I can't afford to be misread one more time
would I be whining if I said I needed a hug?
would you feel slighted if I said your love's not enough?
how can I complain?
how can I complain when i'm the one who reaches for it?
because I can't not
because I can't not
because I cannot walk without my crutches
because I can't not
because I can't not
because I can't help wonder why you ask me
to all the unheard wisdom in the schoolyard
you think you're the right ones
you think you're the charmed ones i'm sure
how can you go on with such conviction?
and who do you think you are why do you question me?
because we can't not
because we can't not
because we can't help laugh at underestimations
because we can't not
because we can't not
because we can't afford to be misled one more time
because we can't not
because we can't not
because we cannot help without your willingness
why do you affect me? why do you affect me still?
why do you hinder me? why do you hinder me still?
why do you unnerve? why do you unnerve me still?
why do you trigger me? why do you trigger me still?